Techs are notorious workaholics. We like to make things happen. We like the rush of a flawless event. We are also prone to ADD type symptoms. Tunnel vision. Hyper focus. We have the tendencies to get so wrapped up in our work that we lose track of other things. Even the most important things.
Trust me. I know.
In a previous article (), I discussed priorities. In this one, I want to take it a step further. I want to explain, to the married Christian men, one of the specific priorities. Don't get offended about the fact that I write to men. Women techs have their own issues. I just don't feel qualified to coach the ladies.
So. Here we go.
At some point in every married man's life, he agreed to love, honor and cherish one woman. He made a decision and a commitment to place the needs of another human above his own. Above every other human. He picked out one person and gave his life to them. Of those three commitments, honor might be the hardest to understand.
We know what love is supposed to be. Ephesians 5:25 tells us to love her like Christ loved the church. Simple enough. Just decide that you will be good to her, no matter her response. Treat her like she is the most important person in your life. Demonstrate selfless and sacrificial qualities that show your love.
You need to tell her that she is loved, too.
I think we know what it means to cherish someone. We give them a special place in our heart and life. We do things that affirm them. We say good things to them. We encourage and bless them. We make an effort to prove that we enjoy being with them. Gifts, dates, flowers, hugs and kisses. Stuff like that is involved in cherishing our wives.
What about that honor thing?
A pastor once told me, that honor implies weights and balances. If you go to the grocery store and buy apples, you expect to pay a certain amount. If the apples cost two dollars a pound, you expect to get exactly a pound for your dollar. That's the balance. It has to add up. If you only got a half pound for that dollar, you would not be happy. It's a bad deal. Someone is ripping you off.
Just like our jobs. We agreed to do a certain job, a certain way for a certain amount of pay. If all those don't add up, we lose the job.
When we proposed, our wives had been through enough to know the deal we offered. We had spent time dating and getting to know each other. We probably talked about the things we wanted out of life. We had professed our love for her. We made a solid sales pitch to convince her that we were going to make a great life together.
So she agreed to our proposal. She accepted the cost. It meant giving herself to us. It meant committing the rest of her life to being with us. She agreed to the terms of the deal, based on the presentation we made before the wedding.
What did we give to her?
Speaking for myself, I ripped her off. Over a twenty-year stretch, I allowed virtually every project and decision to shortchange her. I was out later than I said I would. I worked longer hours than I promised. I missed special occasions. I made huge efforts to prove myself to clients and pastors, and made little effort to prove my commitment to her. I became a highly respected tech, and almost lost my family.
I did not honor my wife.
A great pastor once said that if he was rushing out to pray for a sick church member, and his wife needed him, they could go ahead and plan that funeral. Nobody's needs came before hers. He wasn't going to demand that she understand. He wouldn't make her take a backseat to anyone --- for any reason. He understood honor. He understood how important it was to care for her first. She was his first ministry.
My challenge to you is this: Consider how you honor your wife. Think about the decisions you make and how they affect her. Think about how your choices, and priorities, appear to her. Does she know that she is the most important person in your life? Are you making more effort to be superman to others than you are to her?
We have responsibilities. We have commitments. We have things that must be done. Sure. But none of them have the right to play a trump card against your marriage. Nobody has the right to make her wait. Nobody deserves your time and efforts, like she does.
She needs you. Honor your wife in every decision. Show her that you value her. She is worth it.
