The Irish poet George Bernard Shaw was credited with one of my favorite quotes of all time.
“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world,” he said. “The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”
I think many of us in the church tech world have been guilty of being the “unreasonable man” in this quote at some point.
Whenever our perspective differs from that of others, our first response is probably to mount our soapbox and proclaim (in a way) that the world would be a better place if “they” would just do it our way. They should see it from our perspective, follow our suggestions, listen to our feedback, and do what we say.
We maybe don’t outrightly proclaim that it’s “my way or the highway,” but we maybe are still quick to insist that their way isn’t really the right way.
We feel that everyone would be better off if they’d see it our way. We try to adapt the world to ourselves. And neither side will ever win, because we can plant our flag on the idea that an idea won’t work until it’s executed to our specifications.
All progress, for both sides, depends on me, the unreasonable man, allowing it to happen. For acting this way, the Bible would label me as a fool, or as a stubborn person. Proverbs 12:15 says it beautifully in the God’s Word translation: “A stubborn fool considers his own way the right one, but a person who listens to advice is wise.
Why not have open eyes, ears, and mind? Why not endeavor to see it from another’s perspective and consider their ways? After all, their way might be a very valid and correct path to consider.
Is it stubbornness? Pride? Insecurity? Am I afraid of losing something if I climb onboard someone else’s idea train? Will it make me look bad to admit that my way might not be the best? Am I scared that it will cost me credibility to admit that someone else’s idea is better than mine?
I think we can encounter any or all of those fears, and I imagine that they could all feel like legitimate reasons to insist that things happen based on our parameters.
And sometimes our perspective is incredibly valid: there might be important logistical, technical or philosophical issues that, without being considered, could bring more harm than good. So in those moments, maybe I’m not being unreasonable after all.
But when my perspective can’t be directly rooted into an organizational value, then it may be more of a personal preference than a principle. I may prefer it to be done a certain way, and I might really insist that others adapt their way of thinking to mine, but at what cost? Yes, I got my way, but did it compromise others’ abilities to see me as a supportive team player? Did it further build a negative stereotype about me or my team’s inflexibility or closed-mindedness? Were others agreeable simply because they didn’t have the energy to fight anymore?
The ”reasonable man” stops to think and consider others’ perspectives. He (or she) asks questions about vision, dreams, and goals. What is the desired outcome? What are you trying to accomplish?
And now that I hear more about it, maybe “my way” isn’t the best way after all. Maybe I can change my perspective and approach to help get your idea across the finish line. Or better yet, maybe I can hear your ideas, embrace them as my own, and partner with you to bring them to fruition. I don’t have to be the idea-generator; I just want to support the team and help us all get a win.
Another verse in Proverbs points out the benefit of endeavoring to listen to the perspectives of others: “ If you listen to advice and are willing to learn, one day you will be wise.” (Prov 19:20 GNT).
It's not easy to set aside our preferences and ideals to embrace the perspectives of others. We can feel threatened or devalued if we feel like we’re consistently being asked to just follow along with no opportunity for feedback.
But the reality is that in ministry, it’s the actual ministry needs that drive vision; the technology used is just a tool to help implement that vision. Technology is essentially secondary to ministry; it’s often simply a means to an end.
That doesn’t make me, as a technology team leader or member, any less important. On the contrary: knowing that ministries can’t be successful without my support actually adds more value to what our team brings to the table. We’re the common denominator responsible for aiding the success of every unique ministry area, and how many others get to say that?
Progress can’t begin until I adapt my mindset and approach to others’ vision. It can’t begin without the empathy of seeing and feeling their perspectives. It can’t begin until I feel and own their need as if it’s my own.
It can’t begin until I, the unreasonable man, am willing to lay down my pride and hoist a cross of humility, daily willing to bear another’s burdens, despite occasional feelings of discomfort, all for the reward of seeing their ideas come to life.
It’s not your way or my way. It’s the best way. And it’s the path to both gaining wisdom and building progress.
