Can I be honest for a minute? I don't like memorial services. Not because I get all emotional, or have an issue with death and dying. No, I don't like memorial services because they are a pain. Also, memorials seem to always happen at the most inopportune (read, inconvenient for me) times. The families (and planners) rarely have any idea how complicated tech really is (“It's just a quick video...made up of 47 clips I brought in to Roxio...can you edit that for me?”), and having to re-set the stage in the middle of the week is a real drag. The timelines are always too short, and the workload increases by the minute as the service draws near (“John wrote a song so we'll need a guitar mic and a vocal mic...” as the doors are ready to open).
Now, I realize this sounds selfish and narcissistic. And it is, though I doubt I'm alone in this. This past week was a huge test for me in this area. I had just come off a wonderful week off (that I really needed), and before I even got to checking my voicemail, I was running fast and hard to pull together a giant memorial service, complete with music director; tech director; a band & choir; 11 videos and 10 musical numbers. It was planned to be 2 1/2 hours long. I needed a tech crew of 5 to pull it off. It was scheduled for my normal day off, which was also my daughter's birthday. That was Monday. Friday, we had another, albeit simpler, memorial. As I said, it was a time to be tested in this.
As I was praying about it and confessing my negative attitude the Saturday before, God showed me a few things. First, He took me back to my own father's sudden death a few years ago. When we were in the midst of that, we could hardly think straight, let alone be masters of audio-visual organizational planning. Second, He reminded me that weddings and funerals are about the only time some people ever darken the door of a church, so what a great time to be able to minister to them. Third, it became clear that opportunities to serve rarely come at a convenient time, and yet we are called to serve. It is said that during a time of great tragedy, people don't remember what you say or perhaps even what you do; they will remember, however, that you were there. When we can be fully present and engaged, serving with the heart of Christ, we have the opportunity to minister to people in ways that won't likely be clear for a long time. As all that crystalized in my mind, my heart began to change.
I'm not going to lie, I wasn't thrilled about being at church until 10 PM on Sunday helping prep videos. And Monday was a crazy day--I started before 9 AM and worked straight through until 5 without a break. I left early, the service in the capable hands of my team, to be with my family to celebrate my daughter's birthday. Strangely, I had a great attitude almost the entire time. And that was clearly not me.
Later in the week as I met with family #2 to plan Friday's service, I also felt differently. Again, this is not something I conjured up; rather I feel it was the Holy Spirit changing my heart in response to my prayer. I don't know why I continue to marvel at things like this, but I do. I don't understand how God can take my selfish heart and turn it into one that wants to serve others but He does. And maybe that's the real lesson here. When we let God use us, He does. We're equipped with the ability to do good work with sound, lighting and video; but it will only be truly great when we are empowered by Him.
